Day Thirteen-Eighteen: The Detour

What a few days it's been since writing to you last.

I'm part of a Singles Facebook Group and ended up going for a "meet up" with a guy on Day 13. The vibe was really off - he kept asking if he was keeping me from something (no, I'd put in my diary that I'm meeting you?) and then he ended it abruptly. Funny vibe, didn't drive, won't be seeing him again.

On Day 14, there was a Singles event from this Singles Facebook Group and I was going without any intention other than to meet new people. I'm still healing and, if you remember in my first ever blog post, one of my rules is to not date during these 16 days.

Well.

I met somebody there who was super interesting and we spent all night talking. He kept asking me to kiss him but I said no - I'm healing and I need to take anything at snails pace right now. I'd had a few drinks (another rule broken of this 60 days) and ended up pecking him on the lips as I was leaving. And getting his number. And arranging a date with him.

We were texting all the next day, enough for him to come over to my house for a cup of tea. He seemed really nice. Until the texts kept starting to get too sexual. And then I worked out he wanted something completely different from what I wanted. So I broke it off.

Day 16 and 17 have been a lot of processing that. I've felt like I'm really going to end up alone and it's put me in a real funk. I keep crying. I feel like I've lost all hope in love and finding The One.

And then, just like a cliffhanger, the guy who I am No Contacting from literally watched my WhatsApp statuses last night after a whole week off.

Today (Day 18) has been hard to process. I'm wondering to myself "Where has he been this past week? Does that mean he's interested in what I'm doing right now? Should I reach out?" I won't be reaching out - watching WhatsApp statuses or Instagram stories are the lowest form of contact. If he wanted to reach out, he would. I feel like the ball is in his court. But what if he thinks the ball's in my court, because I told him we couldn't be friends right now?

Prompt 8: How did I grow in this relationship?

Recognising that I can be completely myself and that's not a bad thing. I felt like I could completely be myself with him, completely unmasked and not hidden.

My needs deserve to be met, including communication. That's my bare minimum.

The fact that I've stayed so strong in no contact.

Affirmations:

You are not an option.

You deserve somebody who is all in.

You are a prize.